What Kind of God?

What Kind of God Are You?

There are limitless opportunities in the panorama of god or goddesshood; you can be whatever kind of deity you choose. Many would-be gods settle on a particular type or historic tradition, styling themselves as additions to an existing pantheon or appealing to aparticular demographic. Here are a few popular suggestions:

Types of Gods

Many gods choose an area of interest, becoming a sun god, god of hunting, farming, commerce, mountains, seas, or anything else you can think of. There can be more than one of each, as a quick comparison of various pantheons will illustrate. You could choose to follow in the footsteps of Apollo, Athena, Thor, Freya, Bast, Anubis, Oro or Pele, as the mood takes you. A few possibilities:

Always a favorite, you can join the likes of Ares, Tu, Chamunda, Horus, Anann, and Tyr. Being a war god usually includes a number of ancillary patronages including strategy, courage, horses, loyalty, victory, weaponry, and even farming and cities. You can pretty much cram whatever you like under this heading, since war is often the first choice when action is required. You get to wear armor, carry weapons and stomp around a lot.

Yeah, baby! If your major goal in aspiring to godhood is to get horizontal with somebody, Love God(dess) is just the ticket. And you get to set the rules, because you’re the deity! Think Xochiquetzal, Venus, Kama, Ishtar, Bilquis, Eros. There are worse ways to spend your days.

If you’ve got a head for business, economics, academics, science or history, God of Wisdom might be for you. Certainly there’s Athena and Odin, but also Tir, Ogma, Wengchang Wang, Thoth, Nabu, and Anihita. You can also cover the arts, writing, languages, and a wide variety of handicrafts, or chose to specialize in a particular subset.

The Sea
Are you a sailor? Take advantage of it! You could be the next Poseidon, Chalchiuhtlicue, Llyr, Mazu, Tefnut, Ahti, Kanaloa, or Samundra. If you like, you can also be god or goddess of water, life, weather, travel, lakes, rivers, ships, trading, or any related topic, or just choose to be a sea monster like Scylla or Charybdis.

Party on, Garth! If you like a good revel, god of wine might be just the ticket. Of course the most famous god of booze is Dionysus, AKA Bacchus, who was also the god of madness, celebration, winemaking, the harvest, theatre, chaos, fertility, and just generally having a good time. He is the god of misfits and oddballs, and the god of the dangerous and unexpected. If that’s your jam, sign up now!

You can emulate Hela, Ereshkigal, Arawn, Yeomra, Izanami, Osiris, Persephone, Kali, Aipaloovik, or many others. Being a god of death lets you cover a lot of other topics, including wealth, seasons, fire, lightning, and various ways of dying. If you like to dress in black, if people already think you’re a little scary, this might be the way to go.

What’s Your Style?

It’s not enough to just choose a topic or catergory; aesthetics are also involved. Style is what’s going to bring in the followers! If you want to be a god who wears leopard print yoga pants and a sequinned fez, go for it! Or consider following one of the long-established traditions for gods and goddesses. Here are few popular pantheons and ways to approach godhood; if one of these doesn’t suit you, just make up your own.

Old World Pagan!
Favored by those with ties to the British Isles, whether your thing is Harry Potter or Game of Thrones, you can’t go wrong with the British Pagan Stonehenge tradition. Advantages: you never have to justify your mood swings. The downside is your places of worship are generally made of stone and have lousy seating, plus it’s too cold.

Lots of drinking and getting laid, though the downside is that your exes all talk to each other and the alimony can be hell. Plus you may have some of your offspring trying to kill you, so you better have a list of quests for them to go on… out of the country is out of your hair.

Do you like fighting and fornicating? This one’s for you. Upsides: funky helmets and battle-axes. Downside: winter on steroids.

Here’s one to capture the goth crowd. It’s all sex and death, plus weird animal heads. Downside: making a mummy is kinda gross.

New world Pagan!
Lots of barbecues on the beach with girls in skimpy outfits, and you get a cool hat. Downside: volcanoes.

Old Testament Pagan!
Lots of cool gold jeweled stuff and statuary, plus you can always justify your mood swings. Downsides: Locusts, rivers of blood, cranky bearded dudes with crooks screwing with your labor force.

Modern New Testament!
There’s a lot of sharing and caring, which many people like but only if it’s in the abstract. Downsides: Lots of dudes in polyester with bad hair– sometimes that’s polyester too– taking credit for stuff you did. Also you might be forced to spend way too much time in Branson Missouri.

Anything goes with this one, in the offices we like to call it freestylin’. Crazy weather? Getting naked? Throwing deer entrails at the relatives? All good! Get your Cro-Magnon freak on and make up any nutty creation story you want. Bearskins make a bold fashion statement. Downsides? Well, let’s be candid about your flock– there’s a lot of back hair and not much bathing.